Jeez, i must really not want to work today…
I just read this commentary from Trent Reznor about the state of digital music and i thought it was genius, both in his point and in his cultural references:
“iTunes kind of feels like Sam Goody to me. I don’t feel cool when I go there. I’m tired of seeing John Mayer’s face pop up. I feel like I’m being hustled when I visit there, and I don’t think their product is that great.”
Filed under: drunken stupidity, randomness | Tags: drunkeness, random thoughts, stupidity
I got to the office late today because of a pretty epic Halloween party last night, in which i was the oldest person by at least 3 years. So what did i do? Acted 3 years younger of course! So i’m kinda hungover but mostly still kinda a little inebriated and there’s just this magical place on the BAC spectrum that allows my brain to unlock and the thoughts and ideas start pouring out. So here goes:
I got to the office and plugged in my iPod like i always do and put on Bloc Party – Silent Alarm. Ruggy, my “eclectic” designer, puts on fucking Nickelback. I SHIT YOU NOT. Fucking Nickelback. That’s the best reason i’ve had for firing him yet. This kid’s musical collection already consists of a few hundred Kanye-Fall Out Boy mashups and now apparently Nickelback…
If you have HBO, you should be watching Real Time with Bill Maher. He’s kind of a prick but they talk about some really interesting issues, he has tremendous panelists and i laugh out loud 8-12 times per show. That’s pretty rare. The first two thoughts were discussed on last week’s show and i extended them a little. I like them because i think they would make James Dobson’s head explode:
1. Given the chance, would you have allowed Osama Bin Laden’s mother to get an abortion while carrying him?
2. Would you have sex with a person of your same gender in order to prevent 3,000 people dying in a terrorist attack?
3. Would you allow all illegal immigrants U.S. citizenship in order to prevent another American soldier from dying?
4. Would you elect a women or a black person as president of the United States if global warming would be instantly reversed?
I know the answers i’ll get from most of the people who read this but they’re certainly poignant questions to think about (and maybe to forward to some of our fathers…).
Update: Ruggy is now listening to Fall Out Boy. He’s fucking fired.
This is a great article about culture, music and fatherhood. (Thanks Kelli)
Also thanks to Kelli for getting me involved in this (and this and this, while we’re at it). I think some of you would definitely enjoy this too, let me know if you’re participating. I kinda started last night, but it was just notes and an outline, not any coherent chapters or anything, just thoughts i want to include. I’m going with a David Sedaris-style first person, “I’m so unique in my pain and suffering” type story. It might not be first person, but it’s definitely going to draw heavily on personal experiences. Actually, it won’t be first person, just decided. Maybe i’ll post some of it here so you all (i have readers right? Right? Hello? Anyone?) can check it out.
Am i the only one who thinks that this is the only thing that can make things better over there?
Also, isn’t it ridiculously ironic to think that the two pervasive images of George W. Bush’s greatest presidential fuck-ups could actually end up combining?!? I gotta be honest, I’d probably crap myself.
Filed under: gay, hipocrisy, military | Tags: gay issues, military, stupidity
Apparently the military is so short of it’s recruiting goals, they’re even…gasp…willing to accept the gays!I know, i’m shocked too. But hey, desperate times call for desperately flamboyant advertising campaigns.
Dumbledore is gay…not that there’s anything wrong with that.
Does that mean that Professor Snape commited a hate crime?
Filed under: Vick, britney spears, environment, light rail, quickie, the office | Tags: britney, environment, friday morning quickie, kfed, stupidity, traffic, Vick
Since “Soundtrack Stories” really hasn’t come to fruition yet and i’ve been craving a set post, i’ve decided that i’m creating a Friday morning post called Friday Morning Quickie. Here’s why:
1. I’m usually either really hungover or still drunk at this point. That serves 2 purposes: I don’t want to do work, and i’m still thinking of random funny drunken shit.
2. Everyone likes slacking off and reading blog posts on Fridays instead of working (right? i mean, that’s what i do, so i’m assuming everyone does. Is that a fallacy of reasoning? I say, yes.)
3. Lately i’ve been posting some heavy shit and i feel the need to balance it by posting some seriously superficial and random shit. That’s what you can expect here.
Also, i have to give credit to Dan Shanoff (a very talented writer and sports blogger) for this style. Check him out.
And as always, these are the thoughts and ideas that kept me out of the really good schools. (and sent me here.)
We talk alot about the environment in this blog community so here are some thoughts on that subject. Instead of changing the world, how about some common sense? Here’s what i mean:
- What produces more pollution? A Hummer that gets 8 mpg but gets on the freeway, goes 75 mph, gets to where it’s going in 15 minutes and shuts its engine off? Or a Prius that gets stuck in traffic for 45 minutes?
- What helps the air quality in Phoenix more? An HOV (carpool) lane on the 101 that approx. 18 people will use or just another regular lane that relieves congestion and helps people get where they’re going and turn their cars off faster?
- And while we’re on the HOV lane topic, how much pollution is caused by the thousands of semis, bulldozers, diggers, pavers, work trucks, etc. — not to mention the increase in traffic during construction – it takes to build the stupid fucking lane? Enough that the opening of this lane will counteract the damage already done? I think not.
- My mom recently told me that a Phoenix think tank (I have no idea which one, nor do i have any concrete evidence of this being true, but my mom said it. Would you argue with her? I wouldn’t.) recently reached the conclusion that the new Phoenix light rail will actually do nothing to relieve traffic or pollution here because, aside from nobody ever using it, the train will run on the street and stop traffic when it is running. Those cars sitting and waiting for the train to pass will cause more pollution just sitting there than the cars of the people riding the train will alleviate.
- Ethanol — the love child of the ”green” movement — causes more damage to the environment than gasoline. You can produce ethanol using a lot of different plants and vegetation material, but in typical U.S. fashion, we’ve let the Corn Lobby (and there is such a thing. Believe me, i was surprised too.) decide that we’re using corn and corn only to produce it. Corn is one of the most environmentally harsh vegetables to mass produce (Get it? Produce? Corn? Damnit, that’s a double pun! You didn’t think of it.). It takes more pesticides, more water and more land to produce than almost any other vegetable. We’re damaging the ground water, screwing with natural water tables, polluting rivers and streams, damaging delicate rural ecosystems and only using the actual corn, instead of using the stalk and the leaves like we could. Leave it to humans, we’ll fuck up anything that had good intentions.
More thoughts on driving:
- I saw a fuel truck rear-end a Hummer H2 this morning. IRRONNNYYYY. I think they were trying to achieve something along these lines:
- Don’t you love it when some punk ass kid in a fast car (read: me) races through traffic at 85-95 mph, weaves like Evander Holyfield in a boxing ring (or just simply walking…for those of you who don’t know that, the guy can’t really walk straight or talk because he’s been punched in the head so much…i digress), cuts people off, passes you in the exit lane and generally drives like an asshole and yet ends up getting stuck at the same stop light as you 5 minutes later? Boy is that embarrasing.
- This morning at 9:30, i was in dead stop traffic on the 101 north. Not stop and go, DEAD STOP. The reason? A construction truck, working on the aforementioned HOV lane, was driving down the fast lane, with the “Merge Right” arrows on, going 25 mph and making everyone go around it BUT DOING ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NOTHING! Just out for a drive, no purpose that i could acertain, but stopping traffic entirely all the same. Genius.
Other random, superficial thoughts:
- We shouldn’t worry about Britney Spears’ kids as much as we do. First off, there are a lot of kids with worse problems. Second, there are a ton of mothers who love booze, drugs, pork rinds and not wearing underwear a lot more than their own children and we don’t worry about them nearly as much as Sean Preston and Billy Bob, or whatever the fuck the other one’s name is… Third, these kids DNA and genetic makeup came from Britney Spears and Kevin fucking Federline. They were fucked in the womb. Let it go.
- Speaking of K-Fed, there are two people who were previously just destroyed in the media as being complete jokes as human beings, K-Fed and Marcus Vick. Recent events (Britney and dog fighting, respectively) have caused them to both look like geniuses/suitable fathers. This blows my mind.
- Is it funny that when i spell check this post, the word “blog” isn’t recognized? I think so.
- I’m absolutely in love with Pam Beesely from The Office. She’s the fictional girlfriend i’ve always wanted. And she’s quickly gaining on Mandy Moore and Jeniffer Aniston in my Actresses That I Think Would Be Just Like The Characters They Play In Real Life list.
- Strippers are actually really cool people. Too bad they’re so expensive to get to know.
Filed under: CDT | Tags: baseball, CDT, dbacks, fundamental changes, life, music, NLCS
1. Last night, my Arizona Diamondbacks put the finishing touches on a superbly disappointing NLCS. They played a great regular season in which they got by on timely hitting, excellent defense, clutch relief pitching and smallball tactics (stealing, bunting, hitting and running, taking the extra base, etc.). They dominated the Cubs in the NLDS by playing the same game as they had all year. Then, when faced with the scorching and suddenly dominant Colorado Rockies, they decided to stop doing all that had previously worked. No bunting, no stealing, poor defense and even poorer management. I’m not one who calls for a coach to be fired the second a team loses, but if i was, Bob Melvin would deserve to be fired for how he managed the last 4 games. It was painful to watch and i feel like i out-managed him from my couch on more than a few occasions. It was like all-of-a-sudden everyone got so scared to make a mistake that they did nothing at all (maybe i could learn something from them…). It was sad to watch but i can’t be too upset. They had a great year and overachieved beyond everyone’s expectations. Tough to be mad about that. It’s also tough to be mad because they couldn’t have lost to a better team story-wise. The Rockies are on one of the greatest runs in baseball history — and maybe even sports as a whole — (they’ve won 20 of their last 21, including 13 out of 14 to just barely make the playoffs in the first place…) and since i’m originally from Denver and was a Rockies fan before the Dbacks existed, i’m legally allowed to practice a little sports fan polygamy and root for the Rockies in the World Series.
2. I’m obsessed with this new Torrent way of sharing music. In the last few days, i’ve added some terrific music. The best part is that instead of trying to find every song individually on a certain album, you can just download the whole album, in order and tagged. On Limewire you used to have to search for each song and then place them in order, IF you were even able to download them all. This way is much easier, faster and better. And for the most part, i’m not downloading artists i’ve never heard, but i’m downloading the entire albums of artists that i had one or two songs from.
The other great part is that when albums “leak” they are available immediately on Torrent, whereas you used to have to wait for them to pop up on Limewire and then they were usually crappy copies.
In the last few days i have really enjoyed Bloc Party – Silent Alarm, Arcade Fire – Neon Bible, Band of Horses – Cease to Begin (terrific album), Motion City Soundtrack – Even If it Kills Me, The Decemberists – Picaresque, Jay-Z – Kingdom Come and last night i downloaded Alexi Murdoch – Time Without Consequence (this man’s voice is about the most soothing thing i’ve ever heard. i’m comfortable saying that in public.) and also the new Coheed & Cambria album, a few weeks before it comes out. Everything i’ve named here is terrific and totally worth a listen to all of you. OH, also, i got the Into The Wild soundtrack which is made up entirely of magical Eddie Vedder solo work and, like the movie and the book, is absolutely fucking incredible. Any of you reading this that haven’t read, seen and listened to Into The Wild, i recommend that you drop whatever it is you’re doing and go experience them in that exact order (read the book, watch the movie, then listen to the soundtrack, trust me). This provides an interesting segue into my next point.
3. Last week, i wrote a post called “Fundamental Life Change, Part 1″ which, before i was done, expanded into 3,500 disjointed and improperly-spelled words. Not only is it too long to post, but it became far too personal to ever expose on this blog in its entirety (i do however feel like i laid the groundwork for a future novel…).
I will however share the basic idea…However happy i feel on a day-to-day basis (and i do feel typically content and happy with my life), i’ve recently been plagued by a feeling that thus far, the existence i’ve led has been more or less completely meaningless. In the grand scheme of things at least, i’ve absolutely gone through the motions. In high school, i went to class and did my homework because they told me i needed to get into college. In college, i went to class and did my homework (rarely) because they told me i needed to get into grad school so i could go to more classes and do more homework. They told me i needed an internship, in which i would work for free and be grateful for it. As i was graduating, i needed to work on my resume and try and get a career despite having no idea what i really wanted to do. Then i got a “real” job and was told to “pay my dues” and work very hard for very little recognition or money or satisfaction and that i should get used to it. So i did that for a while and bought a house and a 56 inch HD TV and a bunch of furniture and i pay $150 a month for cable and i weigh 200 lbs and need a nightly combination of boxing (read: angrily punching stuff) and cocktails to shut up that voice inside my head that tells me that this isn’t right. What’s next? Get married? Have kids?
You know what? Fuck it. That’s not going to cut it for me. Sure, i’ve had some accomplishments and made some impact on some people’s lives, but by and large, if my life ended today, i wouldn’t feel very good about it or that i’d even scratched the surface of my potential. Overall, my 24+ years on this planet have been fraught with privilege, consumerism, hypocrisy, procrastination, underachievement, laziness and more abject fear than i care to really admit.
I am going to change this starting now. Soon, my 2003 Jetta goes on the market in exchange for a 1962 International Scout. The money i make on the sale will go into A. teaching myself how to fix this vehicle with my bare hands and without help from a professional, B. into whatever improvements need to be made on this vehicle to enable it to make very long road trips and C. to use the next 6 months to make the necessary preparations and arrangements to go into the wild.
In March or April of 2008, i will embark on this. 3,100 miles and 6 months later, i’ll be back in civilization but hopefully, not quite as civilized as i am now (oh, and consider this your open invitation to come with me for all or part of it. i’m serious, i am not planning on going alone so who wants to go on an adventure?). I never pictured my life in an office, i never pictured it being about making enough money to have an impressive house, car or television, i never pictured myself as a salesman, trying to convince people to hand over their hard-earned money for something they don’t really need, just so i can have more and nicer stuff that i don’t really need. I’ve always had a vision of a more basic and blue-collar existence. The work i’ve always enjoyed most is the work that left me tired and dirty and sore, so i think i’m going to finally pursue that. That was my plan all along, and i’ve gotten severely sidetracked over the last few years, hopefully this is me getting back on track.
More soon.
Filed under: apocalypse, more fucking stupidity | Tags: apocalypse, Kim Kardashian, stupidity
The following clip shows a mother calling her daughter fat, an 8-year old showing experience on a stripper pole, one of OJ’s former lawyers, a Pussycat Doll (whatever the hell that is) and a person named Kim who is only famous for having a sex tape with Brandy’s little brother Ray J. Enjoy all that is wrong with the universe, next on E!
Filed under: NLCS, baseball, dbacks, yankees | Tags: baseball, diamondbacks, more fucking stupidity, NLCS, yankees
Last night, i had the privilege of attending another Dbacks playoff game. This time it was Game 1 of the National League Championship series against the Rockies. This is for the big one.
The game sucked, the Dbacks finally played like the inexperienced rookies that they are and they lost 5-1, but that’s not the big story.
During the 7th inning, Justin Upton slid into second base with some authority and knocked Kaz Matsui over while he was attempting to turn a double play. The umpire ruled that he interfered and, by rule, called him and the runner at first base out. The runner that had advanced to third had to return to second base. So instead of 1 out and runners on 1st and 3rd. It was 2 outs with a runner on second. Diamondbacks fans, for the first time in history, erupted in anger and proceeded to LOUDLY boo. It was so loud in fact, that they couldn’t continue playing. While the players and umpires waited for it to die down a bit, a few fans started throwing stuff onto the field. Maybe 10-15 bottles and cups at first. The security people ran out to clear the field and as soon as they’d run back to the sidelines another few cups and bottles would come down. It was actually kinda hilarious. Now i don’t know if you’ve ever thrown an empty plastic cup, but they don’t go so far and they certainly wouldn’t hurt if it hit you. But at that point the umpires suspended the game and waved the players off the field. That incited the fans even further and we continued to stand and boo for a good 12-15 minutes before they finally got the field cleaned up and resumed play.
To hear them talk about it on the blogs and sports web sites and on Sportscenter this morning, it would seem like God himself unleashed a plague of bottles, cans, fire, brimstone, cats, dogs, locusts and the Icecapades onto the field. The sensationalism was just incredible. I couldn’t believe it. There were maybe 50 bottles and cups — tops…TOPS! – thrown on the field the entire time, total. Now, i’m not saying that even 1 bottle thrown is appropriate behavior, but come on, if this would have happened in New York, Boston, Philly or Chicago, the fans would have thrown D-cell batteries and car parts onto the field (remember the riot police on the field for the entire game 7 of the 2004 ALCS? i do) and then ESPN would have reported, “These fans are passionate and they love their team, you can’t blame them for their reaction.” but when typically comatose Dbacks fans do it, we’re automatically unruly or have no class. Go fuck yourself Sportscenter. And just while we’re on the topic, fuck ESPN and its constant AL East dry humping. Sportscenter this morning didn’t even lead with the story of the game…they led the show with “Will Joe Torre stay as manager of the Yankees?” a story which hasn’t changed in 5 days and probably won’t get resolved for months. Stupid fucking Yankees.
Now that i’ve seen the replay of Upton’s slide, it was absolutely the right call. But at the game (where they have a huge multi-million dollar Jumbotron and yet didn’t show the replay once, because God forbid you give paying fans a reason to have an opinion about the game they just paid $80-$140 to see…) it looked like total bullshit. When they made that call we had been getting hosed on calls all night, the home plate umpire had been terrible. I’m super proud of my fellow Diamondback fans for actually standing up and booing for a good 10-12 minutes. Most of these people don’t even watch the game for that amount of time…We actually are starting to give a shit and i couldn’t be happier. We had a right to be pissed.
I think i’m going again tonight. Let’s go Dbacks!
And i’m not talking about the “Bust a Move” Young MC either. I’m talking about Bow Wow and Mims and any of these supposed rap stars whose name starts with any varient of the word “Young.”
Here’s how a young MC does it (Biggie at age 17 on the corner…):
