Random Acts of Journalism

Hitting the Sauce – There’s a new store that just opened up near my office called BevMo and apparently all they sell are beverage and beverage-related things. Apparently gas stations, liquor stores and grocery stores are no longer carrying the satisfactory amount of beverages and we need a completely seperate store to carry the load…i love this country.

Also, as i was driving through the Bev Mo parking lot, i stopped for a guy pushing a shopping cart full of Maker’s Mark, AND he was wearing a Maker’s Mark shirt. I’m really hoping that they gave him the shirt in the store and he decided to put it on right there or else that guy woke up a 9am on a friday, put on his Maker’s Mark shirt and went to stock up for the weekend. This may be the sign of a problem (pot, kettle, black, i know…)

The Road to Hell – Yesterday i had the privilege of following one of earth’s finest human beings on the freeway. This person was driving a dirty, beat up Toyota Camry and weaving stupidly in and out of stop and go traffic. I say stupidly because i weave through traffic with the best of them but i usually have my next 3-4 steps worked out…in other words, i’m not making a move (ie cutting someone off) unless i know i’m going to get around the car in front of them too. This driver was switching lanes, speeding up and then slamming on her brakes as if he (notice that i didn’t assume the gender of this person immediately…) didn’t see that the other lane wasn’t moving either. The Pi Beta Phi sticker on the back window of her car cleared up her gender (and probably attitude) for me and then, despite her aggressive moves, i pulled up along side her. To nobody’s surprise, she’s bleach blonde, teased poofed hair, casually flicking cigarette after cigarette out the window and had sunglasses on that made her look something like this:

The only thing that surprised me was that she wasn’t in a BMW or Hummer. Now, this might not seem like such a big deal and that i’m being a shallow, caddy bitch. The reason she drew my ire was her bumper sticker…yes, under the sorority sticker was another that read: The Road to Hell is Paved with Liberals

There are no words.

There’s Paramore where that came from – Last night i went to see Paramore, a band who’s typical demographic is just a little younger and maybe a little more female than me. And i have to say, it was the most fun i’ve had surrounded by 17-year old girls in a long time… (Tune in to How To Catch a Predator later this month to see my episode!)

The Yngwe Malmsteen Award for Friggin Thrashing on a Guitar – This goes to Coheed and Cambria’s Claudio Sanchez and guitarist Travis Stever who, on Tuesday night, put on an absolute clinic on how to absolutely whale. Claudio did a part of an 8-minute solo with his guitar behind his head and also while soloing with Stever, played with his teeth. Those 2 might be some of the better guitarists in popular music right now. Also, this was a little intense:

For those playing at home, that’s Coheed’s logo. Youch.

Dirty Jokes – I’ve always had a penchant for making up dirty words to popular songs…i don’t know why this is but it’s one of the reasons my mom likes my dad, so i guess it’s hereditary. Anyway, as soon as i find someone to play fiddle, banjo, guitar and drums, i’m starting a dirty lyric-bluegrass band called Dixie Wrecked. Who’s in?