Filed under: Matt Leinart, ashlee simpson, hookers, strippers, super bowl
Matt Leinart is hosting a few Super Bowl parties this weekend, the first one being a “celebrity” flag football game today at 2pm, with –shriek! — Fall Out Boy!!!! 5o cent is supposed to play and i’ve got 2:1 odds that he pulls a Last Boyscout moment (not for the squeemish, or school teachers, fast forward to the 3:40 mark):
But that’s beside the point…the real issue here is that our little, left-handed Tom Brady in training has had these parties on his schedule since before the season started. Leave it to the QB of the Buzzsaw that is the Arizona Cardinals to assume that he wouldn’t have anything else to do this week, you know, like play in the Super Bowl…
There have been thousands of people trying to rent rooms or their entire houses in the Phoenix area to Super Bowl attendees…i personally like this guy’s approach.
Oh, and lest i forget, here’s the recap of that Ashlee Simspon concert last night…it was every bit as awesome as i assumed it’d be. (Note to the ed dept. of AZCentral.com: the words “intimate” and “Ashlee Simpson” should never, ever be used in the same sentence, unless of course it’s for a story about her getting arrested for offering herself up intimately for money.)
Since it is Super Bowl week here in good old Phoenix, i think i’ll post some daily updates on the dumbest shit surrounding this event.
I just received this e-mail from a guy i know, who happens to be a club promoter. (These are typically the biggest douchebag-types on the planet…people who get paid very little to get their friends to come to certain clubs. They can sometimes come in handy, but are typically flakey, useless people who keep the rest of us from enjoying decent oxygen.)
Subject: Ashlee Simpson@Myst Tonight!!!
Hey guys,
Heres the deal for tonight (wed. 30th). The price for tickets is now $20.00 (you can purchase these tickets at Myst.com or at the front door when you come in) and you have to pay for drinks. $100.00 for VIP (with hosted bar by SLE).
Ashlee Simpson will perform around 11:00pm but most celebrities will be coming in around 10:15pm. This is going to be a big week for us so come out to Myst, meet some famous people, and have a good time.
Thanks
OMG GUYS!!! Only $100 to see that lipsyncing hack-job Ashlee Simpson?!? Where do i sign up?
I tried to put this in perspective and here are some things i’d rather pay $100 to do:
-
take a shower with Roseanne Barr, Marilyn Manson and Bea Arthur
-
attend a book reading of War and Peace with special guest Gilbert Gottfried
-
practice the kama sutra with sandpaper instead of a woman
-
attend a Toby Keith concert wearing a Hillary 08 t-shirt
-
invite members of the Aryan nation over for Yom Kippur
In fact, i’ll go so far as to say this: If that e-mail had told me that i could attend an Ashlee Simpson concert with celebrities and an open bar and not only was it free, but they’d give me $100 to go…i still think there’s at least a 75% chance i’d say no.
There’s a reason i hate the Super Bowl and i could never put my finger on it. I think Will Leitch, the editor of Deadspin.com, has put it perfectly in this article.
Also, don’t cry, but the Lingerie Bowl has been cancelled.
Since it is Super Bowl week here in good old Phoenix, i think i’ll post some daily updates on the dumbest shit surrounding this event.
And since i really have no other commentary on that topic, we’ll go a different direction. On the cover of this week’s Sports Illustrated, there is a story called: Patriot Culture, No Egos Allowed. It seems that every time the Patriots have a successful season (pretty much every year for the last 7 years) it’s attributed to “this well-assembled cast of characters who aren’t necessarily the best, but they play with heart and they’re unselfish and they play like a team and blah, blah, blah.” Can we knock this shit off now? We’re talking about a professional football team that other than being accused of dirty play by just about everyone, is losing its first-round pick next year and had its coach fined half a million dollars because of a cheating scandal at the beginning of the year. Is the media still going to try and sell us this story that the Patriots are the finest human beings ever assembled on to a 54-man roster? What a load of shit. To hear these sportswriters say it makes it sounds like these guys got together at their weekly Bible study and then decided they could field a decent football team over coffee and the finger sanwiches that Mrs. Bellicheck made. Puh-lease. I may be dumb, but i’m not stupid. The Patriots are just like any other group of professional atheletes…a couple of nice, cornfed boys from the midwest:
a couple of not-so-nice but extremely talented people from the coasts:
and one prettyboy, model-humping, actress-inseminating quarterback:
Let’s all stop patting their tushes and telling them how it’s special and so different from everyone elses. It’s not.
If they lose the Super Bowl, it will be the biggest choke in the history of sports and the only reason i’m not rooting for it to happen is because i just don’t think i’m ready to live in a world where the Manning brothers have won consecutive Super Bowls…. Eli is going to poop himself on that field this Sunday… Patriots 55, Giants 9. (MVP: Wes Welker, Coinflip: Tails, First to Score: Giants…yes, you can bet on all of these things.)
Since it is Super Bowl week here in good old Phoenix, i think i’ll post some daily updates on the dumbest shit surrounding this event.
Today’s entry:
Paris Hilton is hosting a party – My question…how is this whore still a draw?? Who – in this mostly evolved, metropolitan city — is saying, “Oh my god, Paris Hilton is going to be there? That’s such a big deal…we have to go! We absolutely cannot miss out on this opportunity for any reason!” ??? Whoever shows up at this party should have their genitals encased in concrete.
More tomorrow.
Filed under: Bush, Neutral Milk Hotel, The Killers, anberlin, cheney, dog poop, rain
Links of the day:
Bush has big plans for this year…you know, besides feeding Cheney his weekly ration of babies. (I kid the president…i do have to hand it to the man…how do you give a State of the Union address these days without using the words “Totally fucked”? That’s impressive…)
We had apocalyptic rains here in Phoenix yesterday and it was awesome.
Bill Maher’s Dickheads of the Year (funny and accurate)
The best sports name ever…(joining the ranks of Dick Butkus, Kosuke Fukudome, Rusty Kuntz and Brian Suksomwong.) and it’s so sad that Alabama State doesn’t stitch names on their jerseys…
I’ve wanted a dog for a really long time, but after watching my parents’ dogs this last weekend, i’ve decided that i can wait…a long time. Do you know how much poop a 95 lb dog creates a day? That answer is infinitely more interesting when she deposits it on the kitchen floor. And because any further description gives me the dry heaves, here’s the image results from the Google search “dog poop.”
I don’t know if this is totally stupid or genius:
I wish we could train Sofie to do this:
Or this:
Albums of the Day:
The Killers – Sam’s Town (I loved “When You Were Young” off this album but never really listened to the thing as a whole. It’s a very decent album, but not nearly as good as the band thinks it is.)
Neutral Milk Hotel – On Avery Island (This is one of those Iron&Wine-esque bands that i’m just not sure of yet. Some of their stuff is terrific, and other times i can’t stand it. Who knows?)
Anberlin – Blueprints for the Black Market (If you can’t tell, i’m officially obsessed…)
I’ve always had a craving to just get up and go…
Sometimes it’s short term:
Sometimes it lasts longer:
For some reason, this idea made me think of the sniper scene from The Jerk…”He’s shooting at the cans! He hates the cans!“
Filed under: MIA, Monday Morning, Radiohead, Talib Kweli, alaska, anberlin, environment, more fucking stupidity, sports
Yup, still don’t have a good name for it…thanks for nothing loyal readers.
Today’s links (and commentary):
I am a big fan of doing things that are easy and enjoyable for large sums of money. Recently, a friend’s dad was talking about how hard it was to find someone dependable to drive some small shipments short distances for his trucking company. I immediately volunteered. I love driving and i wouldn’t need a commercial license to do this for him. Friday night, he called and said he needed someone to go to Denver ASAP…i had just returned from a week in Vegas (for a trade show) and was a little too toasted to go 14 hours, but he had another trip to San Diego if i wanted it. I met up with him yesterday, jumped in his F-350 Super Duty (an absolute BEAST of a vehicle) and took off on a 5-hour solo jaunt to SD. I stayed with my brother last night and woke up at 6am this morning to drive the metal cowlings i was transporting to a jet engine factory right next to the SD airport. I felt very official and cool and the plant was amazing…there were forklifts the size of semi-tractors driving around with 747 engines on them like it was nothing. The drive gave me the opportunity to spend some time alone with my own thoughts (which i love) and also a time to listen to some new albums, but we’ll get to those in a minute. I hope i get another trip really soon.
We always hear about the proposed drilling in Alaska, but the Pebble Mine is an even more imminent threat that nobody seems to know shit about. And then the company tried to buy off the petition… That is my friend John in the video…he owns the lodge where i caught this:
The proposed mine will be an open-pit cluster fuck of a gold mine right above the confluence of 3 rivers that lead into Bristol Bay…for those of you scoring at home, Bristol Bay is the starting point to the spawning runs of about 9 million Salmon. That should be fun.
On the lighter side, i couldn’t watch the Packers – Giants game because i was driving, but this seems appropriate:
Keeping in the sports vein…after all the Imus bullshit, the talk of “lynching” Tiger Woods, etc…do you think this is appropriate? (Personally i think the whole lot of it is just out of control, over the top politically correct white liberal guilt, but hey, that’s just me.)
Today’s Albums:
Talib Kweli – Beautiful Struggle (fantastic album and one that i hadn’t listened to in a while. The lyrics are political, intelligent and poignant…the beats are great…the guest MCs are the cream of the crop. This album might break your heart.)
MIA – Kala (I downloaded this because it was on everyone’s top 10 lists of 2007…and i must have missed something because i thought it was terrible.)
Radiohead – In Rainbows (I also downloaded this absolutely free which is even cooler than picking how much you’d like to pay for it. And like every other Radiohead album i’ve ever heard, i listened to the first 4 songs and skipped through the rest…sorry, i just can’t do it.)
Anberlin - Cities (I saw them open up for Motion City Soundtrack and downloaded as many albums as i could find the very next day…it’s not often that i hear a band live and immediately like them but these guys are great. This album is a white-hot scorching pile of awesome. It’s everything i like about music…good hard-rocking guitar and drums, the lead singer has a great unique voice which is accented by perfect harmonies, the lyrics are great and totally catchy. Get this album now.)
Filed under: Modest Mouse, Monday Morning, Ray LaMontagne, Ryan Adams, classical, pachelbel
I’m not going to lie, i miss writing the Monday Morning Shuffle. It was a great way to start my day/week and it was a really good exercise in finding creative ways to tell stories and write about the same thing every week. I quit doing it because i was spending 2 hours writing it when i really needed to come into the office and get my shit together on a Monday morning and also because i stopped listening to music in shuffle mode. Once i started getting some good new albums, i started listening to them as they were meant to be listened to…starting at track 1 and ending when they were over. The Shuffle kind of lost some of it’s value when i just wanted to listen to one album over and over all day.
That being said, i want to start writing something regularly again…i don’t have a name for it, but i’m thinking it’ll be a combination of the albums i’m planning on listening to that day and other random thoughts and links that i find throughout the morning. If you have any thoughts for a name, i’d love to hear them. (I’m thinking about calling it “Taking a Link Dump” thoughts? HAHAHA)
Links for the Day:
John McCain’s daughter Meghan has a blog about helping her dad with his presidential campaign. It’s pretty interesting and she doesn’t have terrible taste in music either. You know what would really get your dad a lot of publicity Meghan? A sex tape.
(Also, get a damn RSS feed…we know your dad is too old to know what people our age want, but you have no excuse.)
If before grocery shopping, you hadn’t decided what food to buy, your grocery cart will now help you. Usually i’m completely opposed to RFID or targeted advertising, but the ability to put your shopping list online and then download it in the store is plain awesome.(Homeless people are going to be pissed when this thing doesn’t pick up basic cable…)
Would you be surprised to hear that 50 Cent did steroids? Everything else is fake about him, why not his physique too? (Better question: Does anyone give a shit? Even better question: Does it matter?)
Kelli is the first person i know to get published in the Sunday New York Times! (no shame that it’s a letter to the editor)
Albums for Today:
Modest Mouse – We Were Dead Before The Ship Even Sank (I wake up almost every day with a song from this CD in my head…it’s getting better and better every time i listen.)
Ray LaMontagne – Trouble (Same as above)
Various – The Best Classical Compilation (Don’t ask me how i got on this kick, but i’m digging classical music for work-listening these days and you’d just be amazed at how many of the themes and intros from these classical movements are being used every day…every single track, i find myself saying, “Hey, that’s the theme from that game show/tv show/video game/commercial!”
Also, this is one of the best youtube videos ever:
Ryan Adams – Easy Tiger (So many people mentioned it that i had to get it too…saving this for the drive home.)
In a year when the two front-runners for President of the United States of America are a woman and a black man…a lot of people said that would happen when hell froze over.
Um, guys?…I think it just might have.
