Random Acts of Journalism

Last year, i posted this and it was a big hit. Esquire did it again, so i’m doing it again. And, as always, these aren’t necessarily things i agree with or words to live by verbatim…just thoughts by other people that i think should be heard, judged, considered, pondered, etc.

“I remember going to a huge waterfall on a glacier in Iceland. People were there on a rock-platform overlook to see it. They had their kids. There was a places the wasn’t sealed off, but it had a cable that stopped anybody from going past a certain point. I said to myself, ‘You know, in the States they’d have that hurricane-fenced off, because they’re afraid somebody’s gonna fall and some lawyer’s going to appear.’ There, the mentality was like it was in America in the old days: If you fall, you’re stupid.”
- Clint Eastwood, actor, producer, director -

“I’m a t-shirt guy now. But wifebeaters won’t go out of style, not as long as bitches keep mouthing off.”
- Eminem, rap artist

“As i’m chatting with Obama, the moderator says, ‘Governor Richardson, what do you think of that?’ And I look at him like a deer in the headlights. I was about to say that i hadn’t heard, when Obama puts his hand over his mouth and says, ‘Katrina.’ So i gave my four-point plan on Katrina. When i was done and the debate moved on, i looked over and said, ‘Thanks, you’re okay.’ He said, ‘Nothing to it, Brother.’ It confirmed to me that this guy was something special.”
- Bill Richardson, Governor, NM

“In World War II, Russia lost about ten million, Germany lost five million. We lost fify-five hundred of the best marines in the world on Iwo Jima. Those guys, they’re the ones who ran out of the trenches, flew the airplanes, fought the wars. That was a two- or three-hundred-thousand-year-old gene pool getting killed. They would have been the grandparents of the world leaders today. And that’s my analysis of why there aren’t any great world leaders out there today.”
- Warren Miller, filmmaker

“When we did ‘School’s Out,’ i knew we had just done the national anthem. I’ve become the Francis Scott Key of the last day of school.”
-Alice Cooper, showman -

“Because of my last name and the way i look, some people think i’m a spoiled brat. But i’m not like that at all. I’m one of the most down-to-earth people i know out of anyone in Hollywood.”
-Paris Hilton, blond-

“Natural Born Killers is a really misunderstood romantic comedy.”
- Woody Harrelson, actor-

“You practice and you get better. It’s very simple.”
-Philip Glass, composer-

“Making gay marriage partly means not having a nongay person lording over you, deciding for you what you can and cannot have.”
-Gus Van Sant, Director -

“You cannot buy farmers at a farmer’s market. It’s super-confusing.”
-Dwight Schrute, paper salesman-

“I don’t like terminology Left/Right, Republican/Democrat, because you’re swinging an awful wide loop there, and you’re liable to catch some people in it you don’t want to.”
- Charlie Daniels, singer-

“I’ve found that for most artists, the art they produce is the most natural aspect of their life. If they had taken the time to consider what their motive was for doing something, they would have done something else for a living.”
- Chuck Klosterman, writer-

“Wouldn’t it be great if all the world were democratic? Gee, well, let’s do it. Okay, what are the consequences if you try and don’t succeed? We are now living in a world that is partly a result of that particular experiment.”
-Brent Scowcroft, Elder Statesmen

“I would never vote for somebody who had never changed their mind on anything, because i know i was not crafted perfectly at age 18.”
- Phil Bredesen, Governor of Tennesee-

“When you get past Ninetieth Street in Omaha, it literally repeats itself. It’s like: Home Depot, Chili’s, McDonald’s, ten more blocks, same thing. What’s scary is that people don’t even notice.”
-Conor Oberst, songwriter-

“A liberal is arrogant enough to think he can do you a half-assed favor. He is superior enough to think he can give you something that you don’t deserve. A liberal will cut off your leg so he can hand you a crutch.”
-Jim Brown, athlete-

“When i started singing ‘Red, White and Blue,’ the lefties attacked me. And then the Right came in with heavy support. The righties said, ‘You’re a red Republican, right?’ I said, ‘No, i’m a Democrat.’ And you could smell the brakes and clutches locking down. Whoa! All of a sudden you don’t get Bill O’Reilly and Sean Hannity and the Fox stuff no more. But i don’t see things right-left. I see ‘em right-wrong. I don’t have an agenda.”
- Toby Keith, singer-

“Unequal school funding will not end on the day of Barack’s inauguration.”
- Jesse Jackson, public conscience-

“I keep my amputated toe in the refrigerator to remind me of everything i went through. You know, don’t be stupid anymore.”
-Rulon Gardner, olympic wrestler-

“The biggest fight we had about Dumb and Dumber wasn’t about any joke. It was about the scene in the beginning when Jim is trying to talk Jeff into going on the trip, and he wells up. And the studio said, ‘What are you doing? This is a comedy.’ We said, ‘No, no, you need this. Because in two minutes, he’s selling a dead bird to a guy in a wheelchair.’
- The Farrelly Brothers, directors-

“We have a very good law in Maine: When you catch a female, you carve a notch into the tail and throw it back. The industry has grown under that law. It proves if you take care of the female, she’ll do you good business.”
-George Johnson, lobsterman-

“Facts are good things to have when making decisions. Sarah Palin didn’t know that Africa was a continent, i think that’s information that people could have used.”
-Shepard Smith, journalist-

“If our employees are not challenging people in authority, they’re not doing their job. If they’re not using their knowledge to help us make better decisions, what good are they? We might as well have empty chairs.”
-Charles Koch, CEO Koch Industries, America’s largest private company-

“Last time i sae Count Basie, he was in a wheelchair. They wheeled him up onto the stage, he sits down at the piano, and he gives the downbeat, and that band played like they were in heaven. And right in the middle, the band cuts. He had to take one hand and put the other down on it, and he comes down with one note.  And it was the greatest note i ever heard in my life.”
-Les Paul, father of the electric guitar-

“There’s gratification in making somebody laugh. It’s a wonderful sound. I find myself, to this day, doing it, wanting to make people laugh.”
-Bob Newhart, comedian-

“A good hardware store has no rhyme or reason to it. Things should be falling everywhere, tons of shit, you don’t even know where to start. So you have to ask.”
-Steve Zahn, actor-

“Sinatra didn’t have any gray. He either loved you or rolled over you with a truck in reverse.”
“Cherish your mistakes and you won’t keep making them over and over again. It’s the same with heartbreaks and girls and everything else. Cherish them and they’ll put some wealth in you.”
“When you chase music for money, God walks out of the room.”
-Quincy Jones, producer-