Hope everyone had a good 4th of July weekend. Did you know that the 4th of July is a day where we celebrate America’s independence from British rule? Because a guy in front of me at the post office last week didn’t. This guy is talking to a teller at the UNITED STATES POSTAL SERVICE (!!!) and asks if they’re working on Friday. The lady says, “Haha…no, it’s Independence Day.” And the guy — i shit you not — says, “I don’t understand why we get the day off…we shouldn’t have been over there in the first place.” Really guy?!? Over where? I’m not sure if he was being sarcastic and trying to get a rise out of a postal service worker (not advisable) but the look on my face must have been amazing. I couldn’t make this up if i wanted to… moving on.
Last week, i almost made it 400 miles on a tank of gas. Seriously. I went 383 miles on exactly 14 gallons of gas. I have a 14.5 gallon tank, so i could have made it, but in the end it wasn’t worth the risk of running out of gas just to see the dial click over. I drove to Vegas and back which gobbled up 2 tanks of gas over the weekend (but hey! still cheaper than flying!) but made it between 370-390 miles on those tanks as well thanks to freeway driving. This next tank, i’m making it 400. For those of you wondering how this is possible, there is some serious credence to these anecdotes of filling your tires up (less friction, more roll) and coasting everywhere. I’m amazed at how far my car will coast at a decent speed with zero acceleration. When i get off the freeway on the way to work, i can coast almost a mile to the next light and nobody around me is any the wiser. Seriously, try it. Even if you don’t drive stick, just click your transmission up to neutral and roll for a while. The more time you spend at low RPMs, the better gas mileage you get. Genius right? Oh and also, don’t go over 70. Ever. At all. I’ve noticed that my mileage gets completely shot to hell at speeds above 65. Weird, but true.
This is kind of me these days as my team has lost 2 in a row and fallen out of first place: Fantasy Baseball Owner Rips Team in Media
Fun with presidential candidate word association. I wonder how far down “asshole” was for McCain.
Obama will receive the democratic nomination at Mile High Stadium, which reminds me how much i miss football.
Google apparently has issues with its daycare. So that’s 2,797 good things and 1 bad. Ah, how we love to see the mighty fall.
It’s time for the Running of the Bulls again. And as you know, i always root for the bulls.
Jim Carrey found one way to outsmart the paparazzi.
This is a pretty awful story… Did she have health insurance? Could that have played a part?
Boston moms duke it out at Chuck E. Cheese. You stay classy New England.
Is it just me, or is nobody really worried about the price of oil right now as much as they should be?
Brett Favre retires…end of an era. (and a great reminder than Kevin still hasn’t paid me for winning Fantasy Football…)
My head, right now, feels like Oprah and Richard Simmons are having sex on my temporal lobe…it is pounding, heavy and annoying. It feels like every hangover i’ve ever had combined into one…and boy, have i had some hangovers.
But we’ll fight on.
I love Deadspin and here’s why…Will Leitch, the site’s editor, wrote and posted this within an hour of me writing and posting this.
Also, i’m attending this tomorrow night…and for any of you who may have any cognitive dissonance about me making fun of parties with celebrities all week and then turning around and attending one. Well, you can just figure that shit out for yourself. (Biz Markee is playing. Jerry Porter and Ray Lewis may both be there which means someone might be brutally assaulted. John Elway might be at this party!!…come on, like i would go? I’m naming my children after that guy…)
Oh, and the commercials are supposed to suck this year…so enjoy these.
This is long overdue and nobody really cares at all but it deserves to be posted.
After a long and tumultuous season, my fantasy football team, Mike Vick’s Kennel Club, pulled it together and won the championship. This is my first time winning, but with the player nucleus and the coaching staff that we have in place, i’m smelling dynasty.
(Where’s my money Kev?)
Filed under: football
Football starts tonight and i couldn’t be happier. My season kicks off with the Broncos beating the Bills this Sunday while Bills Fan Extroardinaire Chris Perry sits on my couch next to me. Should be fun.
I absolutely will not discuss my fantasy team in this section, ever. I hate it when people talk about their fantasy teams to people outside of their fantasy leagues (although i do reserve the right to share my success/failure with every girl who tries to talk to me during Sunday or Monday nights.) However, this is a picture of our fantasy league at their draft last Monday. We are dorks, we don’t care.
And finally, this moment of bliss brought to you by the fattest little kid Colts fan ever. I hate the Colts.
Wow…just wow. There are no words to explain what just happened on Monday Night Football. Actually, there are thousands. Anyone who has lived in this valley for the last ten years or more shouldn’t have been surprised. Anyone who has been a fan of football shouldn’t have been surprised. In fact anyone who has had a pulse for the last 26 years should not have been surprised. Still, despite its inevitability, it was a disheartening — if not suicidal — national window into the worst franchise in all of professional sports.
And the only people I feel sorry for are the people who actually tried. Sunday night, as the Broncos lucked their way past the always-beaten Oakland Raiders, I watched LaMont Jordan fumble on a big drive and then literally try to tear his teeth out of his face because he was so upset about giving the game away. I mean, I’ve never seen a football player this genuinely upset. And I have to imagine that there are maybe 3 players on the Cardinals that felt like that after last night. Leinart, Boldin and James. Leinart should be upset, the guy played a perfect game, he was smart, made good decisions, kept his team in the game, never gave up and did everything in his power to allow the Cardinals to win that game. Same goes for Boldin, who played his ass off and stepped up in Larry Fitzgerald’s place and made it happen. James should be upset because i’m betting that he woke up this morning wishing he could take the league minimum to be back with the Colts. Neil Rackers should maybe be upset because the kicker is always the goat but it isn’t even close to his fault. Would they have won if he came through? Yes. Did they lose because he didn’t? No.
I feel bad for those players because they’ve come into an organization and tried to change the culture of it. But losing big games, blowing easy leads and making incredibly stupid decisions are embedded so deep in the culture of that franchise that it’ll take more than those few guys to change it. A win last night would have helped immensely. Instead, I’m going to pick the Raiders to get their first win of the season next week against a trashed Cardinals spirit.
Watching that game last night, when they had to settle for field goals in the first half instead of scoring one, or maybe even two more touchdowns and putting the game really out of reach, I had a feeling that there was no way the Cardinals could hold that lead. I kept saying, “They’re going to blow it. They’re going to find a way to screw this up.” And they did, because that’s what I’ve come to expect. When it was 23-10, I knew that the Bears only needed two touchdowns, and I knew how easy those scores would be to get against that team. And it happened in the most ludicrous and heartbreaking ways possible. Defensive touchdowns and a special teams play. You’re not supposed to lose games like that. If the Bear’s offense comes to life and gets a few scores, then you can say that the Bears were a better team and they rebounded and went and won that football game. But that didn’t happen. They Cardinals gift-wrapped it for them and left it on their doorstep. You can’t give away a game better than that. Marty Schottenheimer is probably jealous, because not even Marty gives a game away like that.
The talking heads are calling the Bears a “team of destiny” because they get paid to spew bullshit and hyperbole of that magnitude. But it’s hard to argue that the Bears weren’t destined to win that game. Their first play from scrimmage was a long bomb to Bernard Berrian that Grossman missed by about 2 steps. If they hit that pass and break the Cardinal’s backs from play #1, then we’re not even having this conversation. The Bears were supposed to win that game and they did. It’s like the Cardinals knew it all along and just couldn’t convince themselves otherwise.
Matt Leinart will be a great NFL quarterback. I just hope the Cardinals don’t let him leave with such a rattle in his skull about losing that he never shakes it. Why is Jake Plummer accident prone? Why is he gun shy? I blame the Cardinals.
Sometimes you can’t get that voice of losing out of your head. I just hope Matty Leinart manages to avoid it.
