Filed under: Lindsay Lohan, McCain, Obama, Olympics, On The Road, alaska, links
The hiatus was unannounced and mostly unplanned. My apologies. I blogged a lot over the last few months…mainly because i was sitting at a computer in a cubicle doing nothing all day. It provided a lot of time to find things that are inevitable signs of the arrival of the Four Horsemen, etc. Since i quit, my home laptop decided that it didn’t want to have wireless anymore and it crashed. Because of this, my computer is now hooked into a landline (how 2004…) and cannot be taken with me wherever i go. I’m finding that making myself sit down to blog (or go on myspace, facebook, twitter, etc.) is out of my way and mostly unimportant. I’m comfortable with this…i’m reading more, cooking for my friends (if kelli will allow me, i’d like to host a community dinner soon.), planning for my new job that starts in mid-September and enjoying my time and my thoughts away from the internet. Being in Wyoming for two weeks without much of a computer was kind of liberating, i’m not going to lie. I’m not saying that i’m not going to blog anymore. I’m just probably going to only do it when i have something quality to say. We’ll see how that works out. Moving on.
Apparently Michael Phelps is making out with chicks in the Olympic village. Duh. If i were him i would have arranged an “all-around” with as many gymnasts as i could find before the pool water was even out of my ears (as long as they meet the age requirement…drum kick!). Oh, and i hope those fancy new suits are STD proof, because Lindsay Lohan has been a lesbian for like 5 months and is hungry for a big c… OK FINE…. “piece” of the winningest swimmer of all time. Better get some extra chlorine tablets in that pool.
And speaking of underage girls, Gary Hall Jr. blogs about why being a 14-year old Olympic gymnast can’t possibly be an advantage. Can’t say i disagree, nor can i say how much i can’t wait for the controversy to go away.
This is sad and wrong on so many levels. Guess i’ll let the cornacopeia of available jokes slide.
Bush Told to Sign Birthday Card for Someone Named ‘Kyoto’ (from the Onion, of course.)
It’s about time we had a real Shmuck in office. Thanks to Frank Shmuck in Chandler, we’ll have that opportunity. Man i wish i could vote for this guy. Sam, forget Dan Saban…Shmuck needs our help more!
Here are a bunch of videos from “hypermilers” that are getting 70-80 mpg in their hybrids. Interesting stuff. On my recent road trip, i had the cruise control set at 65 and drove 480 miles on one tank…that’s 34 mpg and i could have made it to 500 if i wasn’t so worried about running out of gas in the middle of nowhere. On my trip, i drove almost 3,000 miles and i definitely noticed how different my consumption was at different speeds. At 65, i could drive forever…at 80, i could almost see the needle moving. Big difference.
Tiki Barber and Jenna Wolfe have been hosting an Olympic Wrap-Up show on NBC and they haven’t really been getting along. But did Tiki call her the c-word on air? You make the call…
Republicans and Democrats alike are gearing up for their respective conventions…you know who else is getting ready? The hookers! Politicans can’t agree on national healthcare, but both parties can agree on whores. Love this country.
I really wanted a Palm Treo Pro…but since it’ll be $550, i guess i’ll pass.
You all enjoyed this post about a certain ridiculous anti-Obama email i received a while back…check it out again. Read the comments that have trickled in. You won’t be disappointed.
Alright, that’s all for today/a while. Enjoy your weekends people. I’m off to Alaska.

In 24 hours on Monday and Tuesday, i spent 4 hours on a plane. I listened to Radiohead the whole way there and back, finished On The Road (review coming soon) and slept for a good part of it. I really enjoyed In Rainbows and i’ve liked Kid A for a long time…In conclusion, i like Radiohead…when i’m on a plane, distracted by a book and sleeping through most of it.
Moving on:
You stay classy, San Diego
Wait, we have to pass a law to let officer’s enforce a law?!? huh?
A great take on what the election is and what it isn’t. My favorite part: “I think many people found it interesting the first week or so, but would now happily mash their testicles in a garlic press rather than have this god-awful slog carry on one excruciating day longer.” Couldn’t agree more.
Recession? What recession? Now excuse me while i go play Grand Theft Auto IV in my new pad.
When 3,000 Americans died in a terrorist attack, we started a war that is still going (and has resulted in 100 times the death of the attack). When 1,800 people died in a hurricane, it was a commentary on race relations in this country, an indictment of our federal government and one of the worst tragedies in American history. When 80,000 people die in another country, it barely makes the front page.
Filed under: Bright Eyes, Bush, China, cheney, links, protest, terror | Tags: Bush, cheerleader bitches, cheney, China, protest, Terrorism
Tonight, The Office comes back and people must be excited about it because my post with the semi-NSFW picture of Jenna Fischer has had 200 visits…just today (Update: 290!) (Update 2: 410!!!! This is ridiculous). Most ever. I’m very excited about the traffic, because i’m a nerd.
There are 7 new deadly sins that we need to watch out for…but as the author of that article points out, they don’t really work as well as the original 7.
And speaking of people who deserve to go straight to hell, how about those cheerleaders? (video is extremely violent and totally evil…man, am i glad i’m not in high school anymore…) Update: These bitches are going to be tried as adults and put in jail…Good, fuck em.
I’m not going to lie, I can’t even watch that video…i got through more of 2girls1cup…i’m not kidding. (FYI – DON’T google 2girls1cup ever, ever, ever. Seriously, i’m not fucking around.)
San Francisco totally chickened out of their Olympic Torch relay yesterday…but i’m not sure how i feel about this “time-honored” tradition anymore, since apparently it was started by Hitler.
And China is trying to make itself look better by making up news about “thwarting” terrorist attacks…seems they learned something from this guy:

And staying on the theme of a-holes in the White House…is it just me, or is the reflection in Cheney’s glasses a naked woman? (i got this from Fleshbot, which is very NSFW, but very AFH. Awesome For Home.)

(Update: USA Today jumped on this and found a hi-res picture that shows its Cheney’s hand on his, er, rod. Woulda been fun though.)
Conor Oberst is a genius (this one too). Most of you know this already, i’m just finding out.
And to conclude, here is an awesome article about what $40 billion could buy you that i got from Brett’s blog.
Ok, one more thing…thought for the day (that you should answer in the comments): Pick one thing that you would do today if you knew you couldn’t fail at it…just one. I’ll tell you mine in a whole big post i’m working on.
There are certain things you’re not supposed to talk about in public because they could be offensive or cause uncomfortable conversation…today i have managed to find a link for a lot of those:
Racism! (Update: CNN changed the picture now.)
Hot Women! (Totally safe for work, unless you’re a pastor or a teacher…)
Politics! (“Hey honey? So i have this press thingy today where i have to tell people that not only did i cheat on you, but i had to pay for it…so, feel free to say no, but would you want to come with?”
More Politics! (Seriously? This is important? Our kids can’t read, there are pharmacueticals in the water supply, but good god, if we don’t get Poland’s air defenses upgraded…we could all be in serious trouble!)
A lot of good musical stuff going on today:
First and foremost, the new Common CD, Finding Forever, is streaming at VH1 (see? it is good for something!) So far, i’m loving it. It’s very mellow, which is what i expected.
Also, check out the new Kanye video starring, who else, Zach Galifinakis. Say what you will about Kanye, he loves having fun with his videos. I’ll give him that. (Man i hope this new CD is good…)
Blender has put together a list — with accompanying youtube videos!! — of the “wackiest cover songs on the web.” It’s an amusing, if not incomplete, list. Good material for a friday.
Ok, here’s my Top 5 list of Hip Hop Albums. Thanks to Kevo for getting this started:
5. Jurassic 5 – Quality Control
4. Dr. Dre – Chronic 2001
3. Talib Kweli – Quality
2. Fugees – The Score
1. Mos Def – Black on Both Sides
Is it just me or have i posted a lot this week? Things keep coming up that are worth talking about i guess. Check over to Championship Vinyl in a minute because there will be something there too.
This is addictive, and caused me a raging hatred of Rhode Island (neither a Road, nor an Island, discuss.)
Saw the Simpson’s Movie last night…really good. Almost every single memorable character made an appearance, including Professor Frink in the first few minutes and some classic Ralph Wiggum moments. “I like boys now!”
Also, i’m on chapter 24 of Harry Potter and i’m thinking about taking the afternoon off to finish it. Call me a nerd but i’m racing to get this done before some jackass tells me what happens. Seriously, that’s an offense punishable by a swift kick to the groin. Girl, guy, i don’t care. Spoil this for me and i’m giving you a crotch shot. You have been warned.
Also, i know quite a few of the readers here will be playing in our fantasy football league this year and it looks like we still need 5 people or so to play. Let me know if you’re interested. Also, if you need help naming your team, here is a highly hilarious and highly inappropriate guide. My team name? Mike Vick’s Kennel Club (yes, passport to hell has been stamped. i’m aware.)
There’s too much to post or classify in one area so we’re going to have a little link party:
If Herpes can kill an elephant, how the hell is Paris Hilton still alive?
An interview with the always-interesting Henry Rollins.
GLAAD weighs in on the new Adam Sandler movie.
I’m working on a Top 5 songs inspired by Hurrican Katrina over at Championship Vinyl. Hoping to have that up by the end of the day.
Also, i received this Fwd’d email today that i thought you all would love:
“This message was actually written by Craig R. Smith not Jay Leno but I think he has a very valid point.
Jay Leno wrote this; it’s the Jay Leno we don’t often see….
“The other day I was reading Newsweek magazine and came across some poll data I found rather hard to believe. It must be true given the source, right?
The Newsweek poll alleges that 67 percent of Americans are unhappy with the direction the country is headed and 69 percent of the country is unhappy with the performance of the president. In essence 2/3s of the citizenry just ain’t happy and want a change.
So being the knuckle dragger I am, I started thinking, ”What we are so unhappy about?” Is it that we have electricity and running water 24 hours a day, 7 days a week? Is our unhappiness the result of having air conditioning in the summer and heating in the winter? Could it be that 95.4 percent of these unhappy folks have a job? Maybe it is the ability to walk into a grocery store at any time and see more food in moments than Darfur has seen in the last year?
Maybe it is the ability to drive from the Pacific Ocean to the Atlantic Ocean without having to present identification papers as we move through each state? Or possibly the hundreds of clean and safe motels we would find along the way that can provide temporary shelter? I guess having thousands of restaurants with varying cuisine from around the world is just not good enough. Or could it be that when we wreck our car, emergency workers show up and provide services to help all and even send a helicopter to take you to the hospital.
Perhaps you are one of the 70 percent of Americans who own a home. You may be upset with knowing that in the unfortunate case of a fire, a group of trained firefighters will appear in moments and use top notch equipment to extinguish the flames thus saving you, your family and your belongings. Or if, while at home watching one of your many flat screen TVs, a burglar or prowler intrudes , an officer equipped with a gun and a bullet-proof vest will come to defend you and your family against attack or loss.
This all in the backdrop of a neighborhood free of bombs or militias raping and pillaging the residents. Neighborhoods where 90 percent of teenagers own cell phones and computers. How about the complete religious, social and political freedoms we enjoy that are the envy of everyone in the world? Maybe that is what has 67 percent of you folks unhappy.
Fact is, we are the largest group of ungrateful, spoiled brats the world has ever seen. No wonder the world loves the U. S. , yet has a great disdain for its citizens. They see us for what we are. The most blessed people in the world who do nothing but complain about what we don’t have , and what we hate about the country instead of thanking the good Lord we live here.
I know, I know. What about the president who took us into war and has no plan to get us out? The president who has a measly 31 percent approval rating? Is this the same president who guided the nation in the dark days after 9/11? The president that cut taxes to bring an economy out of recession? Could this be the same guy who has been called every name in the book for succeeding in keeping all the spoiled ungrateful brats safe from terrorist attacks? The commander in chief of an all-volunteer army that is out there defending you and me?
Did you hear how bad the President is on the news or talk show? Did this news affect you so much, make you so unhappy you couldn’t take a look around for yourself and see all the good things and be glad? Think about it…… are you upset at the President because he actually caused you personal pain OR is it because the “Media” told you he was failing to kiss your sorry ungrateful behind every day. Make no mistake about it. The troops in Iraq and Afghanistan have volunteered to serve, and in many cases may have died for your freedom. There is currently no draft in this country. They didn’t have to go. They are able to refuse to go and end up with either a ”general” discharge, an ”other than honorable” discharge or, worst case
scenario, a ”dishonorable” discharge after a few days in the brig.
So why then the flat-out discontentment in the minds of 69 percent of Americans? Say what you want but I blame it on the media. If it bleeds it leads and they specialize in bad news. Everybody will watch a car crash with blood and guts. How many will watch kids selling lemonade at the corner? The media knows this and media outlets are for-profit corporations. They offer what sells , and when criticized, try to defend their actions by “justifying” them in one way or another. Just ask why they tried to allow a murderer like O. J. Simpson to write a book about how he didn’t kill his wife, but if he did he would have done it this way…… Insane!
Stop buying the negativism you are fed everyday by the media. Shut off the TV, burn Newsweek, and use the New York Times for the bottom of your bird cage. Then start being grateful for all we have as a country. There is exponentially more good than bad. We are among the most blessed people on Earth and should thank God several times a day, or at least be thankful and appreciative.” “With hurricanes, tornados, fires out of control, mud slides, flooding, severe thunderstorms tearing up the country from one end to another, and with the threat of bird flu and terrorist attacks, “Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?”
Jay Leno
Please keep this in circulation. There are so many people that need to read
this and grasp the truth of it all.”
So because my stomach is full and I have a clean, safe house to rest my head at night, I should be grateful and quit my whining about the people who don’t?
Because things are reasonably satisfactory here, I should be pleased that I have it so good and not worry so much about everyone who has it worse? I mean, why worry that people are homeless and starving and dying of AIDS and being murdered and raped while American Idol is on?
Sounds like a good plan to me! I don’t know who this Craig R. Smith is, but damn, he would have saved me a lot of stress and concern about other people’s well being if i would have just heard from him sooner. Thanks for letting me off the hook, Craig!
HAHAHA. What a bunch of ignorant shit.
