On one hand, this story is sad because the mean people at Shop-Rite wouldn’t make a 3-year old a personalized birthday cake. On the other hand, this story is sad because his parents named him Adolf Hitler.
We’ve talked a lot recently about Obama and Racism (here, here, here and here) but this isn’t racist. Because this person isn’t racist. This person is a lame New York hipster trying to get famous. This person is a publicity whore starting a controversy just to sell some t-shirts…(and i know a thing or two about being controversial to get attention and also about selling a $4 shirt for $35…) Great idea, right up until you run into 4 black girls on the street and they whip the shit out of you.
As we’ll see this afternoon in another post, some (ok, most) people deserve what they get.
The dumbest thing i’ve seen today that is… I received this email from a co-worker…they are predictions on what will happen to America if Obama is elected President. Some of this borders on absolute madness. It would make you laugh, if it wasn’t so amazingly depressing. Without further adieu…(my comments in italics after.)
To close my screed, I want to leave you with some JM predictions in the event the junior Senator from Illinois becomes President and, especially, if the House and Senate are veto proof.
1). Strict new gun laws will be enacted even though he promised he would not.
2). The phrase “In God We Trust” will be removed from all currency. (Automatically? Just because a president said so? Does this asshole know how much time it takes to put money in circulation?)
3). He will back away from his pledge to Israel and leave them to the wolves of Islam. (Israel has one of the world’s strongest militaries… that why the”wolves of Islam” have been throwing rocks for the last 40 years. Israel will be just fine.)
4). Hillary Clinton will be named to the Supreme Court. (Really? Is Obama going to kill Anton Scalia with his bare hands to create the opening?)
5). Tax rates will return to their highest levels in 30 years. (How? Presidents don’t make the budget. Like 543 people get their say in this.)
6). The capital gains tax will be at least double current levels. (Again, how?)
7). Retired Army General Wesley Clark will be named Secretary of Defense. (Oh god forbid we give a general and former presidential candidate a position in the defense department. That actually might lead to logic in intelligence in foreign policy…gasp!)
8). The borders will be ‘basically open’ to all come. Especially those from the Middle East and South America. (“Basically open”..as opposed to complicatedly open? And what border do we share with the Middle East? Baltimore? It’s Baltimore isn’t it?)
9). Amnesty will be granted to all illegal’s now in the U.S.A. regardless of status or even gang members (MS-13). (Obama: “My fellow American Bloods and Crips…you have been granted amnesty…please report to the DMV for your official gang member passports and keep it real. Fo Sheezy, and good night.”)
10). The war in Iraq will be brought to an abrupt end, and the results will be tragic, and the consequences to our military will be devastating. (I can’t even make fun of this one…)
I realize that my predictions may not sit too well with some people, and the best we could all hope for is that I am totally wrong. Any bets?
Jerry Molen
Yeah Jerry, i’ve got a bet…I’ll bet a million dollars that you’re a fucking moron. And i’m willing to lay odds that the actual Jerry Molen (Hollywood producer) is not the guy sitting in his grandma’s living room typing this with one hand, masturbating to the O’Reilly Factor and asphyxiating himself with Tucker Carlson’s bow tie with the other.
I weep for our future.
Shocking news. Some white people don’t like blacks…nor do they want one as President.
I think someone mentioned this a while back. Oh wait, it was me.
Filed under: Bush, McCain, Oil, Pebble Mine, alaska, apocalypse, greed, more fucking stupidity
It’s hard to stay optimistic sometimes…especially when “they’re” about to ruin one of my favorite places in the universe:
You know the alien movies when they talk about how the evil aliens move from planet to planet staying only long enough to suck the place dry of every life-sustaining resource until they’re forced to move to the next hospitable place? I don’t know if you know this or not, but that’s us.
Filed under: Tila Tequila, arizona sucks, failblog, foxnews, gay marriage, green, more fucking stupidity
Another tank of gas down, this one was about the same as last time…26.1 mpg…i think i can do better, but it’s pretty tough in the summer with the traffic and the AC running. Might have to save that 400 mile tank for Fall. The other downside is that gas is now $4+ a gallon (i actually paid $4.45 for 91 octane on this tank…kill me), so that $600 i was saving is vanishing in a hurry. Garret sent me this great article that has me re-inspired for the next tank of gas. Apparently, i’m a “hypermiler” now.
Funny story about driving slow… I think the biggest factor in saving gas is how you accelerate, so i’ve been getting going pretty slow lately. I hated, HATED when people did this to me when i was a fast driver but now that i’m driving slower i feel like i’m right and everyone else is wrong so fuck them, right? So i’m accelerating slow at this light the other day and this guy is honking at me like the asshat that he is. Being the spiteful person that i am, i react by going even slower. We go up the freeway on-ramp and he tries to get around me but we both get caught at the metered lights and i get the green first. Again, i accelerate very slowly (but this time on to a freeway in which people are averaging 80mph), he comes racing up behind me and crosses the gore point (big, big no-no in AZ) to get around me…but right as he comes up on my bumper in the lane next to me, i flip my blinker on and slide over, right in front of him, cutting him off. The dude is, of course, totally enraged at this point but can’t merge into the other lanes because of other cars coming. So he’s stuck behind me doing 65 mph on the nose. He finally gets a window, merges left to go around me, and i cut him off again. I’m dying of laughter at this point, because punishing douchetards is one of my favorite things in life. We’re about 3 miles down the freeway now, right where it starts to get crowded and he gets wedged in between two cars going the speed limit with me in front of him, and i’ve got him totally at my mercy. I kept him boxed in and totally frustrated for 12 whole miles all the way to my exit. Hahahaha. I love me.
Back to the point though, my car is about to hit 75k miles and i’m honestly thinking about turning it in for a hybrid very, very soon. I absolutely hate the look (and resulting mentality) of the Prius, but the Tesla is pretty awesome!
I checked the bus routes that would get me to my job 15 miles away from my house, and it would take an hour and drop me off 4 miles away…so unless Sam has a bike i can have, that’s just not an option. Fuck you very much, Phoenix.
Tila Tequila is claiming responsibility for gay marriage being legal in California…this would be a sign of the apocalypse but the only thing Tila is responsible for is giving herpes to men and women instead of just sticking to one gender…and herpes can’t kill you.
We don’t have enough stupidity on FoxNews so they hired Mike Huckabee. (glad to see that dumbass get held accountable).
Your shower curtain can kill you…welp, that’s pretty much everything now, isn’t it?
Have you seen failblog? Quite amusing.
It’s been a big week, so i’m shutting it down. Enjoy your weekend fools.
Sunday night, i watched The Discovery Channel’s new mini-series, “When We Left Earth” about the history of NASA and our experience of exploring outer-space. It was captivating, moving and absolutely terrific in HD. I couldn’t be more excited to watch the rest of the series.
After the show was over, i got into a conversation with my roommate, who is a computer engineer for a major aeronautical company — he basically works on guidance systems for missiles all day — and we talked about how amazing it was that the engineers, scientists and astronauts for NASA had no precedents to work from, zero research about space travel (because it hadn’t been done before…at all) and did the majority of their calculations and design work with pen and paper. They just had to sit in a room together and try and figure out the best way, and then test it. A perfect example of this would be during the Mercury missions, the precursor to Apollo, when they were trying to simulate zero gravity with astronauts attached to ropes and pulleys…and Buzz Aldrin — an avid scuba diver — said, “Hey guys, why don’t we do this in a pool?” And some of the brightest minds of that generation said, “Duh.” The whole thing was an amazing example of American intelligence, cooperation and ingenuity.
Of course, the whole project was initiated out of a military need to stay ahead of the Soviet Union in our technology and weapons capabilities. Anyone who thinks we just wanted to explore the next frontier is stupid…the reason for our space program had nothing to do with science and everything to do with being able to stop missile launches from Russsia, return fire with our own missiles and spy on them. That’s it.
Beyond that, JFK said — and i’m paraphrasing –, “Start studying math and science so we can put a man on the moon in this decade.” We sent Alan Shepard into orbit on May 5th, 1961 and landed Buzz Aldrin and Neil Armstrong on the moon on July 20th, 1969…just 8 years later. With no historical precedent, no concrete knowledge of whether space would suck the eyeballs out of your skull, no idea if zero gravity would cause your blood to boil and not a single clue as to whether the devil himself lived on the moon. Seriously, i’m not exaggerating. We didn’t know. How could we? We just had to try and see what happened. And we succeeded. (Contrast this with Bush’s “Vision for Space Exploration” which in 2004 stated that we would be back on the moon by 2018… Really George? It’s going to take 14 years to do something that it only took us 8 years to do in the first place? With 3,000 times the experience and technology they had? Moron.)
Fast forward 40 years (40!!!), we’re currently involved in a war in one of the major oil-producing countries and regions in the entire world. If we had learned anything, ANYTHING! from our past lessons, we’d realize the power these countries have over us and we’d react, not by attacking them, but by pushing our own technology and education systems to put our country in a position in which that region of the world would no longer have power over us. We’d create a community that would try things that had never been tried before, we’d throw billions of dollars at it and we’d put our most courageous, intelligent and scientific minds together and work together until we came up with something that gave us the upper hand in the world again. I’m not talking about reducing our dependence on foreign oil, i’m talking about completely eliminating it. I’m talking about once again leading the world in technology (and scaring the shit out of everyone else in the process.).
We put a man on the moon in 8 years back in the 1960s! And you’re telling me that we can’t make a decent electric car? We’re still burning coal for power? We’re getting worse gas mileage than we were 20 years ago? Our best solution is to drill in the oceans and Alaska, in the very places that we need pristine in order for the human species to survive? Are you kidding?
What in the sweet fuck has happened to us?
(and this isn’t the first time i’ve made this point…i just found this post from Oct. 12th, 2006)
Rachel Ray is a lot of things — annoying, to name just one — but she is definitely NOT a terrorist.
As Trevor said earlier this week…how is there no one to hold these people accountable???
Filed under: Bush, China, Death Cab For Cutie, Hitler, Jamie Lynn Spears, McCain, Nazi, Obama, more fucking stupidity
I LOVE the new Death Cab. Ignore the critics and just enjoy this album. Seriously, for as much as i want to be a music critic, i just couldn’t handle what it would turn me into (This review sums it up nicely). Yes, it is true that this album is not as happy and optimistic as Plans (Plans actually seems sugary by comparison). Yes, it is true that the song “I Will Possess Your Heart” has a long instrumental intro (about 4 minutes). But come on people, if you appreciate Ben Gibbard’s lyrics and songwriting ability at all, you shouldn’t really give a shit if he’s happy or sad. It’s a great album; passionate, clever, dark, moving and when it’s done, you’ll be sad that it’s over and want to start it right over. Just listen and appreciate. Kudos to the following songs: “I Will Possess Your Heart”, “Long Division” and “Pity and Fear.”
Other albums on my playlist these days are The Hold Steady – Boys and Girls in America, Okkervil River – Stage Names and Spoon – GaGaGaGa…not new, but certainly good.
Bush compared Obama’s idea of sitting down and talking with Iran and other “enemy” countries to the appeasement of Hitler: “Some seem to believe we should negotiate with the terrorists and radicals, as if some ingenious argument will persuade them they have been wrong all along,” Bush told the Israeli lawmakers. “We have heard this foolish delusion before. As Nazi tanks crossed into Poland in 1939, an American senator declared: ‘Lord, if only I could have talked to Hitler, all of this might have been avoided.’ We have an obligation to call this what it is — the false comfort of appeasement, which has been repeatedly discredited by history.”
And for once, the guy kinda, sorta, almost makes a logical argument. Some of these people can’t be negotiated with, but as always, here’s where i disagree. Obama will be a new president with semi-new ideas…i don’t see anything wrong with him at least entertaining the idea of beginning a dialogue on a clean slate…who knows, it just may work, it certainly hasn’t been tried recently. Update: Obama, as you’d expect, is not pleased with Bush’s comments.
And while we’re using the words Bush and Hitler in the same sentence, let’s read about how Bush’s grandfather had financial ties to Nazi germany. Way to go, prick.
Obama called a reporter “sweety” and it seems the reporter was less than pleased. Obama did call to apologize afterwards, but what do you think? Was that a sexist or chauvinist comment? (Try and listen to the audio if you can…i think it’s an innocuous word in the context of the situation. He was actually being polite and maybe misspoke. It didn’t sound demeaning or derogatory and certainly doesn’t hint at anything larger. But i can see how the reporter — who is in an industry where it is crucial that she be seen as equal to the men who run it — would be upset.) I do this all the time (and maybe i shouldn’t) but i picked it up from some Southern friends of mine who when talking to a female waitress, bartender, etc. always say some variation of “darlin” or “sweety” or “sugar” when asking them for something. They do it in a southern accent so it comes off as cute and the female subject usually smiles and blushes and ends up getting them a better seat or refilling their coffee or something nice just a little more often than not. So, female readers, what do you think? Sexist and demeaning? Or slightly antiquated but acceptable chivalry?
John McCain is an asshole and cannot be the next President, in case any of you were still on the fence.
On a ligher note, a Golf Pro in Colorado hit a hole-in-one on a par 4 with news cameras rolling…pretty awesome. Video here.
And continuing with Colorado’s awesomeness, the Governor’s son really knows how to party (and is my new hero).
Jamie Lynn Spears is a 16-year-old who is 7 months pregnant, so what does she do for fun? If you guessed drive an ATV without a helmet, you’d be right!
It’s kind of hard to believe just how fucked China and Myanmar are right now.
And to end on a better note, a precedent has been set in flatulence-based lawsuits. Sign up for the class-action lawsuit today!
